Addiction
by Tyrror
Summary: The members of the Ouran High School Host Club are slowly coming to the realizations that they have addictions which are pulling the club apart at it's seams.  Full Summary Inside
1. 1st Movement: Heaven or Hell

Title: Addiction - 1st Movement: Heaven or Hell

Author: Tyrror

Rating: MA - Mature content warning. Explicit homosexual intercourse, Adult Language, Adult Themes.

Pairings: Mitskuni (Honey)/Takashi (Mori), Kyoya/?, Kaoru/?, Implied Haruhi/Takashi/Hikaru love triangle

Extended Summary: The members of the Ouran High School Host Club are slowly coming to the realizations that they have addictions which are pulling the club apart at it's seams. With half of the club blaming themselves and terrified of doing anything wrong the question quickly becomes will they be able to save themselves none the less each other. This tragic opera starts with an exhilarating symphony of skin on skin and tears, the 1st movement: Heaven or Hell...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or setting found herewithin and have not nor will I obtain any monetary compensation for this work. This is solely fictional in origin and all the characters and settings are the sole intellectual property of their creators.

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><p><strong><span>1st Movement – Heaven or Hell<span>**

_Don't let me think, just let me act. Don't let me remember these thoughts I want to forget._

He could feel his body stretched taunt and tight, arching up in vain to seek more contact with the body above him. Yet it was to no use, the younger boy insisted on teasing, on torturing, on leaving the blond to beg silently for more, for release, for him. Teeth nipped lightly at the lobe of his ear, his eyes flying open to stare, unseeing, into the darkness before him. He felt like he was burning, every breath across his skin, every scrape of teeth, every brush of flesh left him filled with a pleasant fire, an uncontrollable heat that had no thought, no conception of consequences, only barest emotion and primal need.

Without warning, the wrists that had been held tight above his head by one powerful hand were free. Now there were lips on his own, a forceful tongue deep in his mouth, seeking things he could not imagine from his small frame. He lost himself in that kiss, that clash of teeth and tongues, in such a manner that it was almost more shock than pleasure to find the heat of another body pressed, skin to skin, against him. A sudden movement, and instantaneous fulfillment of the desire to lie in full contact with another human heat boggled his mind in its ability to create more needs than it could ever resolve. He could feel the uncut length of his lover's desire pressed warm and throbbing to the inside of his thigh and he let his eyes flutter shut in a blissful anticipation of the pleasure that was left to come.

"Are you ready?"

The Younger boy asked, his voice a deep rumble spoken directly into his mouth. His small hand entangled itself in the dark hair above him; he wanted to ensure that the larger boy had no chance of putting any more space in between them than was necessary. Short, ragged breaths tore at his lungs, bordering on the line between pleasure and pain as he fought to keep himself from simply drowning in his primal need.

"Takashi, I…I…"

Mitskuni shot up in his bed. He was tangled in the sheets, covered in sweat, and still hard from the dream-like phantasm that he could still feel, still taste. The radiant heat from the other boy's body spread itself beyond the four inches left between them in an attempt to fight the deepening chill that had begun to fall upon the blonde, but such meager comfort was of no use as usual. Lightning struck somewhere outside, dividing the room into fantasy shades of stark white and impenetrable darkness, and in that split second, beneath such a glaring light, he was faced with the beauty of his new addiction. Lying there, covered only from the waist down by a thin, white, cotton sheet, his tall, somewhat gangly form, was covered by smooth, pale skin that, under such light, resembled marble under moonlight. He was trim and fit, his arms muscular and his hands slightly calloused, strong but…always so gentle with him. The dark mop of unruly hair atop his head, like solid night, framed an angular, somewhat sorrowful face.

Lost in his sudden reverie, Mitskuni had forgotten the storm, until the light began to fade and thunder cracked like a cannon in the night, forcing the small boy back into reality. He felt something within him break, his mind running too quickly against his desires, and his head fell heavy into his hands, tears ready to spill from bright blue eyes, only waiting for the chance. As if sensing the smaller boy's discomfort, his roommate groaned as he pulled himself from slumber, rolling up onto on elbow to better face the blonde.

"Mitskuni," He whispered, his voice deep with sleep and left over sex, "What's wrong?"

Takashi's statements were blunt and to the point, as normal, but there is often a lack for words when actions mean as much as much as his normally do. Rising slowly from his supine position on the bed, the taller boy placed his hands upon the smaller boys shoulders, running them down along his chest and placing his chin in the crook of the boy's neck. The blonde breathed in sharply, surprised at the sudden warmth that enveloped him, his desire fighting to conquer his mind, at least for this one moment, as he shook his head and fell back slightly into the other's embrace.

Don't let me think…

There were a pair of lips on his neck, he could feel the heartbeat begin to race in the chest he was pressed up against; for the first time since he had awoken that night, he was truly warm. He heard himself moan as one of those hands, so slowly massaging chest, slipped lower, lightly gripping his more needy parts. It was just a brush, the lightest of touches allowed to flit against his hardness before the hand moved on to massaging the insides of the small boy's thighs, and thus the teasing began. Mistukuni was quickly becoming accustomed to the fact that his lover had a fetish for torture, though maybe not the kind that many would think of when they hear the word. It was always a game to start, at least for him, and the blonde had yet to find another game that could make him both love and hate it at the same time. There was a trail of moist kisses slowly making its way toward his ear and a versatile hand slowly edging its way toward his groin when the larger boy suddenly shifted, lowering Hunny to the bed with his free arm and continuing his ministrations with the other.

Just let me act…

The young boy prayed to the nothingness around him as he felt a rush of hot air rush into his ear, causing him to jump and gasp. Mori had managed to position himself on top of the younger boy in the split second it took for him to think that single thought, his bulk hovering over the smaller boys frame, pale skin against a darkened room. The younger boy's eyes were glazed over when they came back into view, one hand still silently working between the blonde's legs and, finally, Hunny's mind stopped trying to work. There was no more reason, no more thought, he simply let his body act. His hips ground upward, trying to find the taunting hand that touched him everywhere but where he needed it, and at the same time, his thin arms wrapped themselves around the taller boys neck and pulled him closer.

He could hear himself moan as their lips finally touched, that needy fire once again burning deep inside of him, consuming him in a way that demanded completion no matter the consequences. He could feel the other boys tongue working at his lips, trying to force itself deeper inside of him and he grinned into that pressure. Just as the thought he might try taunting back, he felt five nimble fingers wrap themselves gently around his manhood and, in trying to gasp, found his mouth full of the other boy. It was a frustrating pleasure as he ground himself into the other boy's hand, digging his fingertips into the other boys back at the sensations rolling through him. His small fingers dug deeper as the younger boy's grip suddenly tightened and he felt more than heard the groan that the lanky frame above him attempted to let out.

_He likes it._

The thought didn't seem as odd as it should have when he came to the sudden realization the other boy enjoyed the pain of his fingers digging into his skin. Hunny let the thought roll about his head for just a moment, contemplating the thought of pain combined with pleasure while his body did what it wished, until he felt the teeth. The younger boy had let his mouth slip off of Hunny's mouth, quickly making its way to his collar where it began with a simple nip that quickly multiplied into a full force bite. The blonde gasped at the feeling of the teeth sinking deeper. Though they didn't break skin, the pressure was slowly getting closer and, against all reason that his mind could muster from its currently clouded living space, he almost wanted them to.

"Takashi…"

His voice was ragged as he tried to pull himself closer to the chest that still hovered above him, so close and yet so far. His fingers continued to dig in deeper as the younger boy continued to tease him in every way he could think of. After what felt like an eternity to the blonde, the pleasure that was pain left his shoulder, the teeth moving with the mouth up towards his ear where a dark head of hair whispered hoarsly,

"Are you ready?"

"Please…"

It was all he could get out, all he could think as the other boy pressed himself atop his small frame. He could hear his breath coming in ragged gasps as the younger boy began to push his legs apart, lifting them and pinning them back with a pair of thin but muscular arms. There was a moment of clarity where time seemed to stop where the blonde suddenly remembered what he was doing and he almost panicked, but then his lover's breath was hot on his face and something hard and throbbing was pressed against his entrance and he forgot just as quickly any reservations he might have had.

The entrance was slow and gentle, as always, and almost painfully so. He wanted this, needed it now, and his lover already knew how much the wait would drive him toward madness, but that was all part of the fun. Soon the wait was over, he was filled and the other boy's head was tilted back in a combination of pure joy, but also deep concentration. He couldn't move yet, he couldn't risk hurting the frail form beneath him. Sometimes the older boy wished that he would just move, he didn't want to be treated like a doll, not at a time like this, but he never had much time to think about it, because the younger boy's will could only stretch so far. He pulled out slightly and then slid himself back in, groaning nearly the entire time. Mistsukuni grinned at the pleasure he could bring the other boy and then groaned himself as the other boy's cock stroked that place deep inside of him that made him arc his back and beg for more.

"Yes, Takashi!"

His voice was little more than a harsh whisper, but in the silence of the night it seemed as if it were an earth-shattering cry, and it was all the signal that the seme needed to proceed. Thrust after thrust, they were like a single work of flesh and blood, working together as one toward a single end. The younger boy grunted with his effort and the older gasped at the plethora of pleasure that washed through him, wave upon wave. Somewhere in the distance, lightning split the sky again and there was a crack of thunder that seemed to render all else silent, and in that moment the blonde met his lovers eyes and remembered why he always hated himself afterwards. There was something deeper than sex in those eyes that looked down at him, something more than simple physical attraction and, once again, something inside him broke. At the same time, though, something entirely different within him released and he felt himself call out unintelligibly into the darkness as he came. The pleasure wiped his mind for just that moment, the feeling of the younger boy above him and inside him, the sounds that Mori made as he followed suit and released himself inside of the younger boy, the feeling of being filled, everything combining into a type of pleasure that could destroy any fear…but only for a moment.

As he lay there in the aftermath, the younger boy collapsed just to his one side, his warmth still pressed so close against his skin, Mitsukuni thought about all the things he wished he could forget. His breathing was already heavy and rasping, but even through that he could hear it crack as his eyes welled up and he knew that the other boy would be worried given any more time, he had to run now.

In an instant, he jumped from the bed and launched himself across the room, tears already streaming down his face. He doubted he would have made it, what with his partners much longer legs, had Mori not been entangled in the sheets when he made his move. The room was like a blur around him as he dashed into the bathroom, slamming the door and nearly sliding across the room as he hit the tile floor. Scrambling at the lock, the blonde sank to the floor and leaned back against the solid form of the door. He was shivering he realized after a moment, though not really caring about it, the floor was cold, he was covered in sweat and other body fluids and the only source of warmth that he really wanted was on the other side of the door.

"Gomen ne…"

He muttered into his knees as his pulled them to his chin and wrapped his arms around them. By now, Takashi had managed to untangle himself from the sheets and was trying to call to him softly through the door. He didn't know what to say, what to do, his mind was racing with a thousand blank thoughts and all he really knew was that he was sorry and he didn't fully understand why.

'_I can't want this.' _He thought, '_I'm just bringing him down with me. Everytime I let this happen, I just let him continue to believe that everything will be alright, but it can't be…not this way. Love can't be like this, not me, not him, not a clinging hope in the dark to make the daytime fears go away for a time. A pretty girl, a perfect scenario, that's love…but it can't be this. I've got to stop it, before I lead him on too far…I can't want you, I just want your warmth. Please don't hate me.'_

So many thoughts, so much pain, but all of it was leading him nowhere except to the same phrase muttered over and over into empty space.

"Gomen ne…Gomen ne…"

His words were like a mantra. He balled his fists into his already disheveled blonde hair and buried his face further into his knees as he continued to repeat them over and over. Beneath him the tile was cold and that cold was seeping into his skin. Behind him he could hear Takashi, he was talking, but he wasn't saying anything. Everything was a blur, something lost to the night as his mind whirled around and his heart tried to tell him things that he didn't fully comprehend. Eventually he felt himself slip to one side until he lay in the fetal position upon the cold tile, the door still to his back. Takashi had stopped talking and everything had gone quite, except for the thunder as it crackled and rolled outside. He counted the lightning as it flashed under the door, leaving a single streak of light across the room where his body didn't block it. One…two…three…and eventually, he slept.

It was several hours later when he woke up, cramped and cold on the tile floor. He stretched himself out slightly before attempting to stand up only to meet himself in the large mirror that hung over the sink. His eyes were red and only slightly puffy, there was a large, purplish bite mark just above his left collar bone that only stung slightly when he touch it, and, most embarrassingly, there was dried semen on his chest and stomach. Trying not to think too much, Mitsukuni turned the shower on until it began to steam from the other side of the sliding glass door and he proceeded to shower, scrubbing himself as if trying to remove a layer of dirt that wasn't there. He was rubbing one of his arms red when he felt the first tear fall and he sunk to the bottom of the tub, the shower head splashing water off of his head and back as he tried to both stand and wrap his arms around his knees at the same time. Something inside him wondered why it hurt so much. Not physically, it never hurt physically, he always felt loose when it was over, like his body had been taken apart piece by piece and then, rather lackadaisically, put back together. No, he wondered why his heart hurt so much.

Pulling in a shaky breath, he stood back up and let the shower wash the tears from his face before he returned to his rhythmic scrubbing. It was another twenty minutes before he finally stepped from the bath and managed to dry himself off, a good deal more clean and at least a small bit calmer. He picked up a white button down shirt that was lying on the floor and slipped it on. It was many sizes to big and obviously Takashi's, why it was in the bathroom was anyone's guess, but it most likely had to do with last night's events. Slowly he buttoned up the front of the shirt, flattening the wrinkles absent mindedly as he looked at himself in the mirror once again. His eyes were less red and no longer puffy, he was no longer naked and his still wet hair was plastered to the top of his head. All in all, he looked a good bit more respectable than he did when he first woke up, but he still had one ordeal left to conquer.

He flicked the lock on the door and opened it as quietly as he could, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, Takashi wouldn't be there. A quick look would seem to imply this. He wasn't in the bed nor the chair nor standing anywhere in the room, but then Hunny looked down.

_He must have fallen asleep waiting for me to come out._

The blonde felt a twinge of guilt looking at the tall and very naked boy who was sprawled in a very uncomfortable looking position just to the other side of the door. As quietly as he could, Mitsukuni stepped over the other's prone form and made it almost all the way to the dresser where his clothes where kept before he felt the hand on his shoulder.

_Shit._


	2. 2nd Movement: Outsider

**2nd Movement – Outsider**

The tea set on a silver tray clinked slightly as she gently set it on one of the many smaller tables which were now scattered around the normally empty music room. Glancing around herself, Haruhi smiled slightly at a job well done and then quickly reached down to straighten the cuffs of her shirt; not that they needed straightening, she just needed something mindless and simple, something she could do without thinking and with her eyes closed, to keep her from thinking about how lifeless the room was right then.

It was foolish really, this feeling that slowly ate away at her every day before the boys showed up; an uncertainty that said they may not come back this time, they may leave her here on her own...again. Considering how much she hadn't wanted to be there from the beginning it was almost laughable how concerned she was with their whereabouts, with their well being, ultimately just with them. She went through every day at school with the knowledge now that she would always have people waiting for her, worried if she were late, and went home every night happy in the knowledge that they would be there the next day when she came back. She memorized the little things about them that even they didn't seem to realize: how Tamaki's voice went down half an octave when the girls entered the room, how Kyoya always kept an eye on where their blonde leader was...just in case, how Honey grew up a little when Mori wasn't around, how Mori met Kyoya's eyes met from time to time, silently confirming that the small blonde was safe and watched over despite his considerable ability to protect himself, how the twins' hands would begin to shake if they walked to far away from each other.

She wasn't part of the group, not really, and standing outside she could see how they wrapped around one another, keeping each other within the safe shell that was the host club. Away from harm and danger. Away from the outside world. Ultimately...away from her.

Being outside of them meant she could also watch as they slowly fell apart, completely unaware of their own demise. Those first few weeks, easy, insane, confusing weeks, she had seen the seamless machine that was the host club and then, without warning, it began to deteriorate before her very eyes. At first she tried to convince herself that it was just her imagination, that she simply hadn't figured them out yet and that the changes were just them becoming more comfortable with her in their midst, but then she realize how utterly childish a notion that was. It had started with Kyoya, day by day talking less and less with the other hosts but even more so with Tamaki, these days it seemed he rarely talked to the blonde unless it was completely necessary and even then it was formal, pushed. Honey's face seemed to glow a little less as the weeks went on and, inch by inch, he moved farther and farther away from Mori when they sat, riding on his back became almost like a performance piece to her eyes, some piece of his childlike innocence seemed lost. The twins were better, at least in public. They grinned and played and did all the same things they did before the downfall began, but she caught them time and again, locked in back rooms or hidden in side corridors screaming about things that seemed far less consequential than their voices would imply.

_It's you..._

It had been two full minutes since she had begun "straightening" her cuff and she snatcher her hand away from her wrist as if it had suddenly caught fire when that realization hit her. Even the menial tasks weren't keeping her darker thoughts at bay anymore, it seemed, and some part of her began to wonder how much longer it would be before she couldn't take them anymore but she shoved that part of herself aside and strode off towards the storage rooms at the back of the music hall; Honey's cakes needed preparing and as much as she was certain some of the girls attending the club would love to see his big blue eyes swell with adorable tears at the thought of no cake for the day, she didn't want that to be the last straw before the club crumbled weakly under its own weight.

_They were fine before you stumbled in and tried to fix what wasn't broken..._

Her hands were shaking and the small dessert fork on the plate she was holding jittered around against the side of a piece of cake, small tinkling noises filling the storage cupboard that she was standing in and causing her to set the plate down a little more forcefully than she would have preferred to make it stop. Her breath was quick and shallow as she tried once again to push aside the darker parts of her mind and only succeeding to a certain degree she fought back the way she always did...with cold hard logic. She hadn't chosen to be there, she hadn't wanted to join, and she certainly hadn't been attempting to change things in her few short months with the boys. She liked them, sure, she might even go so far as to say that they were her closest friends, but even if she was the stimulus that was slowly leading to the downfall of the host club she couldn't blame herself because they were the ones keeping her there...right? Sometimes she wondered.

A hand rested gently on her shoulder and she jumped, spinning to look at the tall, dark boy next to her with eyes that she knew were too wide and too scarred and she fought to control the terror in her veins just long enough look normal for him.

"Haruhi," his voice was low and smooth, as always, and his eyes were hidden behind the glare of his glasses cast by his tablet computer.

"Everything's ready, I think..." she trailed off, hoping that she sounded normal and not at all like she'd just been fighting a small war with her inner demons.

The taller boy tapped one last thing on his screen and then hit the button that wiped it blank before turning to face her, his eyes finally coming into focus behind the thin glass in plastic frames that he quickly adjusted before giving her a slightly sideways smile. She doubted anyone else had noticed yet, but she had realized almost a week ago that it wasn't the same smile anymore. It was still cocky and a little bit arrogant, but it no longer held the same confidence; it no longer curled up quite as high on the side that did curl and his eyes didn't have that glint of knowing something that you didn't anymore. Now they were just empty, dark pools that she couldn't even read.

"Did you set everything up by yourself? Daddy is so proud of you!"

The tall blonde launched himself from the doorway directly into her back, his arms wrapping around her shoulders and keeping her arms pinned to her sides while he buried his face in her perfectly combed hair that she would now have to spend another five minutes putting back in place, but none of that mattered for the moment because she had just seen something that felt like a keystone in a doorway and it was taking all of her strength to just stand there and look stunned because right in front of her was Kyoya Ootori and his smile hadn't even faltered a fraction when their king had barged into the room but his eyes, separated from the world by a sliver of glass that she finally realized was as much a shield as an aid, twitched and she saw something there that she had feared seeing this entire time. She saw resentment.

_They hate you, and you're too selfish to give them the pleasure of a life without you..._

The dark boy stepped around the entwined pair and out the door without even a word, an aura of cold slipping through her as she resisted the urge to shiver before taking a deep breath and speaking softly over her shoulder.

"Tamaki-sempi, I can't breath."

And that was all it took to put a several foot gap between the two, Tamaki resting his hand gently on his chin in an utterly composed posture while she turned around, straightening the wrinkles in her blazer and smiling up at him a little too big, the corners of her eyes crinkling closed a little too much as she put on her host face.

"We'd better get these out to the tables otherwise the guests won't have anything to eat," she said simply, passing her hand towards the various trays of treats and snacks she had been working on for the past several minutes.

"Of course," Tamaki responded, his voice a little too deep, a little too responsible to really sound like Tamaki. Gently he hefted a tray of finger sandwiches into the air on a single hand and winked at the girl in boys clothing before slipping back out the door, spouting profuse and unnecessary greetings at the first of their guests to arrive. Sighing to herself, Haruhi plastered her "host grin" back on her face and gently lifted a tray of strawberry cakes in both arms, no where near as confident in her ability to carry things as her elder host, before slowly backing her way out of the room.

She jumped slightly as a small blonde head launched itself into view just in front of her as she exited the storeroom with wide eyes full of hope and, she could have sworn, little sparkling flowers which she quickly attributed to being scared, shaking her head to chase them away.

"Haru-chan, Haru-chan!" the voice proclaimed excitedly, "What kind of cake do we have today?"

She smiled for real for the first time that day looking down at the smaller boy who everyone knew was older than most people in the room but no one seemed to remember the majority of the time, especially not in moments such as these. She took quick note somewhere in the back of her mind that his voice was a little too high and his words a little too fast for this to be less than at least a partial act, but she also knew that if there was one thing in this world that he might get this excited over it was sweets and she let out a light, relieved breath at everything feeling almost normal for a moment.

"Strawberry, Honey-sempai." She said softly, the smile not leaving her face as the boy danced happily around the room with the small, pink bunny he always carried in his up-played excitement over today's desserts.

_All the world's a stage, and we are the fools that act upon it_, She thought grimly to herself, _at least we'll go down in flames together._

And with that she walked into the room to greet her guests, the perfect host without a care in the world...


	3. Interlude: The Dark Tower

**Interlude - The Dark Tower**

Standing in the darkness a short distance away from the storage room Tamaki and Haruhi had just exited, the Host Club's shadow king watched the proceedings calmly from behind the glare that was his glasses his mouth a thin line of thought. His customers for the day had already felt the sudden compelling urge, at his ever sweet words of course, to entertain the twins for the time being and he was all too willing to watch them go so that he could stand back and keep an eye on the room as a whole. Here in the shadows and the half light he could calculate, put his plans into motion and, ultimately, ruminate on the things that would otherwise distract him from entertaining pretty girls no matter the gentlemanly effort he may put into it.

It had been quite some time since he had felt perfectly at ease while directing the club in his subtle way from the background and the more he tried to ignore it the more it seemed to claw at him in a way that caused his stomach to twist and he prayed every time that it happened that no one noticed. It had all started as a stupid game, something that he never intended nor wanted to do but found himself coming back to every day all be cause of...him. Tamaki, that glimmering idiot, he would smile that bright smile with all his perfect white teeth and his eyes would sparkle and tear and Kyoya knew after the very first time that he asked it would only be a matter of time until he gave in to the request and, even though he didn't know why, he had his suspicions and he had to fight the urge to retch whenever the thought crossed his mind. Somehow, somewhere, the beautiful moron had managed to gather the others one by one, knowing just what to say, how to act, what to do, when to flash that perfect smile and then they were all there, they were the Host Club and they fell together like a well greased machine, like they had always been.

It took almost two weeks before Kyoya spotted the possible monetary gains to be had from such a pointless endeavour and he poured himself into it; if he was here for money, for business, then he wasn't here just for the blonde and everything was perfectly normal, right? At least that's what he told himself, even though some part of his mind knew that he spent most of his time typing away in the corner not looking at the screen, but watching the grace with which the other boy did everything that came naturally to him. The way he spoke without thinking but it always came out charming, the way he could turn any accident into the brightest of situations, the way he would smile and brush the hair out of a girls face before leaning in to whisper pointless, sugar filled words into their ears for no one else to hear and Kyoya would wonder what those words must be only to have his gut lurch troublingly to the left and he would force himself back into his numbers, his work, his _**reason**_ for being there.

And that was over a year ago, a year of watching from the shadows, of caring about nothing but the business end of the Host Club. He watched the blonde now with the the same concentration, the same subtle stare that he had been using that entire time while mindlessly tapping away on his tablet, only using the corner of his eye to watch the other boy, ever only the corner of his eye lest someone think he look a little too long and the charade that he spent so long constructing come crashing down around his feet.

The blonde boy under his scrutiny threw his head back in a laugh at some pointless joke made by one of his charges for the day and as he brought it back forward his eyes grazed the room in that elegant, playful way that he always did. They stopped for a moment at the table where 'she' sat, living her lie to pay them back, and he grinned in that way that he never did for any of the girls that came to see him. Kyoya had first noticed it almost a month ago, not that he would ever admit it. Before that, everyone got the same lazy, beautiful smile from their idiot king and then, shortly after their trip to the beach, everything had changed for just one person and every time it happened something inside him wanted to scream.

_Why?_

He had found them that night, though they didn't know it, he had stumbled into the room in the early morning hours to ask something of Tamaki but what he found chased all thoughts from his head and he just stood there, his insides twisting in a way that he was rather certain they were never meant to. She was curled into him, her face finally calm, protected from the storm by the strong arms of the blonde boy who held her so gently. They both breathed the soft, shallow breaths of sleep and Kyoya just stood there in the doorway, emotional hurricanes running cold through him as he took in the scene before, ever so calmly closing the door and walking back down the hall. He had cried that day, though he was never certain why, but he felt like he'd lost something and now everyday was a reminder of whatever it is he had apparently lost when he grinned at her like that and she looked up from across the room like she knew he was looking only to smile and tilt her head just so, waving before going back to the girls she entertained.

_Why?_

He jabbed ruthlessly at the tablet in his hands a few more times, replacing one number with another, ordering shipments and changing orders with the fluidity and subconscious control of a true master, never fully thinking merely acting leaving his mind clear for more...important matters. He turned on his heel and shifted carefully through the shadows that lined the back of the room, mindful not to disrupt the merry celebration that was the Host Club, making his way toward the dimly lit table in the corner where his laptop and bag sat. Tossing his tablet onto the table with a light thump, he flipped open the laptop and scanned the numbers scrolling across the screen, letting his mouth twitch up in a true grin. He may not have been able to control the Hosts themselves, least of all Tamaki, but at least this...this was his and with the reckless abandon of a madman he lost himself in his work, absorbed in the screens light glow.

Kyoya was pulled from his work induced trance by a light hand fluttering at his shoulder and lightly tracing its way down his arm to where his hand rested on the keys. Glancing over his shoulder in surprise, he spotted a nest of red hair and Cheshire grin that was all too familiar, the line that was his mouth dipping downward slightly as he shook the hand of his own.

"What do you want?" The dark boy asked grimly, his voice littered with warnings for his frivolous friend. Glancing beyond his screen he almost let surprise slip onto his cool features for the second time in a matter of moments as he realized the emptiness of the room. Had he been that lost in his work that he didn't even realize the club coming to a close? It would appear to be the case, most of the tables put up, the couches returned to their places, and the majority of the club aside from himself and Kaoru gathered by the main doors, slowly making their way out. His mind was quickly putting the pieces together, turning towards the younger boy to ask the time when he felt that same hand slide across his back this time and wrap tightly across his shoulders, pulling hims into a tight sideways hug with the other boys face close to his ear when he spoke.

"Kyoya," the redhead whined with false seduction lilting his voice, "why are you so _mean_ to me?"

_Why?_

The older boy tensed at the words, at the touch. His stomach made the same lurch that it did when Tamaki smiled at him after he'd had an idea and the darker boy forced himself to take a deep breath, shutting his eyes tight before replying.

"Don't." The word was curt, almost cruel as he spat it out.

"But Kyoya!" The other boy kept the whine in his voice, leaning even closer to his ear in his constant need to be an insufferable nuisance, "Everyone else is gone and I'm _so_ afraid of being all by myself in this big empty room."

The redhead slid his free arm across the breadth of Kyoya's chest and putting on his best pout for the other boy to see out of the corner of his eye, a gleam of mirth not quite concealed in his eye, and that was when Kyoya broke.

"I said DON'T!"

He wasn't sure where the yell came from, but he was even less certain of how they wound up against the wall. He had the redhead pinned by his shoulders and was staring into a pair of very frightened eyes over the top of his glasses. His hands were shaking and his eyes stung and everything felt so incredibly _**wrong**_and even with his mind working as fast as a genius mind can he had no idea _**why**_. There was a choked, gurgling sound from somewhere in the room and it took him a second to realize that he had made it though he couldn't fathom why. Something wet and warm traced down the side of his face and the pieces fell together into sense for the first time in several minutes. He stood there, frozen in place, willing himself to move, to run, to do something because he was _**crying**_and a man of his stature did not cry and they most certainly did not do so in a public place with another boy centimeters from their face while strangled, pathetic noises leaked slowly from their throat. His mind was racing, trying to think of anything that could make this better, and that was when he heard the voice.

_WHY!_

"Kyoya..." The other boy whispered his name, his breath warm across Kyoya's nose and mouth from the short distance and it was enough to slow his terrified mind. He focused on that sound, on that voice and the face that went with it. He focused on the two wide eyes still so close to his, still so scared but...now there was something else there. They were scared but they were no longer terrified. Now they were scared _**for **_him, they were full of pity and something he couldn't quite trace, something he'd never seen thrown his way before, not like this.

"Kyoya," the redhead whispered again and he leaned forward, their noses brushing past one another as the younger boy sealed their lips together, large hazel eyes sliding shut as he leaned as far as he could considering his pinned position before pulling back and looking at the older boy. The only sounds Kyoya could here were the blood in his ears and the rush of the other boys breath as he leaned back into the wall. Kaoru was the one pinned down but it was Kyoya who felt like he was trapped, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open he felt like he should do **something.** He should run, he should scream, he should punch the other boy in his pretty face and it was with that thought that he suddenly realized that the tightness in his chest was gone and the lurch in his gut was fading and for the first time in almost a year he actually felt somewhere close to normal.

He gave no warning as he lunged forward on the other boy, trapping his head between the wall and his mouth, his hands slipping from their shaky hold on the redheads shoulders to an even more shaky but much gentler grasp on his face, cupping his cheeks in his palms and closing his eyes and just **enjoying** something for the first time in so long. He felt an arm wind its way around his neck and a hand weave it's way into his perfectly combed hair just before the Kaoru parted his lips to let out a suppressed moan and, as if he had been doing this all his life, Kyoya plunged his tongue into the other boy's mouth, tracing his teeth, his gums, his entire mouth with the strong muscle and revelling in the other boy's heat.

Finally he pulled back, gasping for air and resting his forehead against the slightly shorter boy's, feeling him pant both from the feel of the other boy's breath on his face and the rise and fall of their chests pressed together. Neither of them seemed terribly inclined to move any time soon but the sound of the main doors creaking open caused him to jump back and turn to face the intruder.

"Kyoya-sempai?"

It was _**her**_, concern written across her face in the light of the sunset shining in through the windows. He hadn't even realize that the sun was setting, he had no idea what time it was or how long he had been doing...well...whatever he was doing. He placed a hand on the table with his laptop to balance himself, unsure of how to explain the fact that he was less than a foot away from a very disheveled looking Kaoru when, thankfully, the redhead responded for him.

"He was showing me our latest numbers," the boy said easily as if it wasn't the world's biggest lie, "A certain little minx has really been bringing in the girls," he finished, making finger guns with his hands and pointing at the now blushing girl in the doorway. The girl smiled then, if meekly, and nodded her head before wishing them a rushed farewell and closing the door. To his left, Kyoya saw the younger boy lower his finger pistols back to his sides and felt a second later as the boy's right hand rested gently on the curve of his lower back just underneath his blazer and, for the first time in a long time, he didn't ask why...


End file.
